Things that confused me at DisneyLand


I went to DisneyLand Paris last week. As a rollercoaster enthusiast and someone who enjoys the odd parade and a French Buzz Lightyear, DisneyLand Paris was the place to be. But there was some things that confused me about the experience, here they are;

  1. Why do children cry at Disneyland?

I will never understand this. What the fuck are you upset about? YOU ARE IN THE MAGIC FUCKING KINGDOM. Guess what babe? Life is downhill from here.  Never again will you be able to dress up as ‘Belle’ from beauty in the Beast, and people saw ‘awww’. In fact the next time you dress up as Belle at Halloween,  in  approximately 10 years’ time,  boys will come up to you and say ‘hey belle, do you wanna see my beast?’ or ‘hey belle, be my guest… in the bedroom LOL’ and you will probably feel violated, or enjoy it, because you’re a slut, either way, the future isn’t looking bright for that Belle costume.  

2.  Why is everything in the gift shop ’20 fuckin’ euros’?

This was my dad’s favourite saying, ‘see that keyring? Hannah?’ yeah, I see it dad ’20 fuckin Euros’ it became a fun game throughout the day, to find ridiculous objects that were ’20 fuckin euros’ My favourite was a plastic 3ft bottle which contained popcorn. Which was 20 fuckin Euros. Why would you want a 3ft container of popcorn? I can’t fathom a useful explanation for the creation of 3ft container of popcorn.

3. Why do parents buy small children princess makeovers?

It’s called ‘Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique’ and girls as young as 3 can have a princess makeover. This includes ‘Shimmering make-up, face gem’ makeover. You can teach your daughter that her prince charming will only appear when she drastically changes her wardrobe choices, and her face sparkles like Tinkerbell on crack. Prices start from $40.



The light parade was fucking awesome though.




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